Dear Character | a short story based off of real life events of a younger self

March 10, 2017

Dear character:

It’s been a while since our interview and your debut is coming up soon by our calculation. We would appreciate if you would fill out the information form we gave you in the packet. Please send it in by the weekend and we’ll contact you about schedules for next week’s sessions.

We all look forward to working with you, especially MC. She’s been pretty excited about it.

Until then,

Your Author


March 13, 2017

Dear character (or current resident):

We are forwarding our previous message again as you have not answered. If this is the wrong address, please let us know and we will stop spamming you.

Thank you,

Your Author


March 16, 2017

Character:

Thank you for finally reaching back and sending in the form. It appears as if you forgot to fill it out though. We still need a picture of you and a sentence or two that best describes your character. It’s merely a simple height, and hair and eye color check.

Attached is the form.

Thank you,

Your Author


March 23, 2017

Character:

You seem to be taking a lot of time responding. We had to shift around schedule because of your speed in reaching back out to us.

“Mysterious and creepy” does not work under every answer and we aren’t paying you to send back snarky responses. All we need from you is to come in and point MC toward the Western Gate. It’s quite simple. You don’t even have to bring a compass, just point in the way we’ll tell you. I’m sure someone who thinks so much of themselves like you can handle it. Or is it too complicated? Huh?

We expect you tomorrow at eight pm after work.

Pick up coffee on the way and I might give you a donut.

Sincerely,

Your Author

yourauthor@herblog.com


from: The Author <yourauthor@herblog.com>
to: Matthew <thisisthemat@characters.com>
date: March 31, 2017, 10:49 AM
subject: Thank You For Your Service

Character:

Thank you for showing up on set the other day! Since we ran out of time, we’ll just have to work with the short cut scene. There is no need for you to come again.

Please connect with me on bloglovin’.

Your Author


from: The Author <yourauthor@herblog.com>
to: Matthew <thisisthemat@characters.com>
date: April 5, 2017, 11:30 PM
subject: Re: Thank You For Your Service

Character:

You reached out asking about pay but there must have been some misunderstanding. Did you not read the note on my blog? If you become my character you consent to never hold me accountable for any and all injury or death that will incur, you agree that I write all the rules (magical or practical) for the project, and you promise to rate the book on Amazon when it gets there. As an extra you are not paid, but through bragging rights. Honestly, kid you should feel honored that I picked you to be the moving force in pointing MC in the right direction. Who knows what would happen if you weren’t there, right?

Good day,

Your Author


from: The Author <yourauthor@herblog.com>
to: Matthew <thisisthemat@characters.com>
date: April 5, 2017, 11:52 PM
subject: Re: Thank You For Your Service

Character, I don’t think you get it. You are an extra. You come in, and then you GO OUT. LEAVE. TA-TA. BYE-BYE

Yeah?

Listen kid, I still reserve the right to inflict whatever injury I see fit to my characters. And who knows what might accidentally happen to a side character when writer’s block comes knocking, yeah? A knife may slip…. a wagon wheel.

Maybe said-character has a big ego and never looks down.

SO HE SLIPS AND HITS HIS THICK SKULL ON A ROCK

Just sayin.

It happens randomly to us all.

Your Author >:)

P.S. There is always another draft.


from: The Author <yourauthor@herblog.com>
to: Matthew <thisisthemat@characters.com>
date: April 6, 2017, 12:39 AM
subject: re: WHAT IF I SUE YOU

Character,

Thank you for sending your most kindest regards concerning the lawsuit you are writing up, but I promise you that your efforts shall not pay off! How could they?

I’m the Author.

I write the court-hearings.

Most fondly,

Your AUTHOR and amazing BOSS


from: The Author <yourauthor@herblog.com>
to: Matthew <thisisthemat@characters.com>
date: April 6, 2017, 12:45 AM
subject: re: WHAT IF I SUE YOU

So now you want to duel.

How very cliched.

Oh go jump off a cliff.

Of better yet? Try to save a princess and get captured or something. I’ll gladly provide the prison.


from: The Author <yourauthor@herblog.com>
to: Matthew <thisisthemat@characters.com>
date: April 6, 2017, 1:05 AM
subject: re: WHAT IF I SUE YOU

Just keep ranting.

Maybe I’ll write it down and use it some day.


from: The Author <yourauthor@herblog.com>
to: Matthew <thisisthemat@characters.com>
date: April 6, 2017, 1:15 AM
subject: re: WHAT IF I SUE YOU

What? No! Of course I’m not going to make you my next MC!  Where did you get that silly notion?

You want a Pinterest collage too? HA.

Oh go jump off a cliff.


from: The Author <yourauthor@herblog.com>
to: Matthew <thisisthemat@characters.com>
date: April 6, 2017, 2:03 AM
subject: re: WHAT IF I SUE YOU

OKAY

Look you’re relay kinda getting annoying here. If I bring you back in with a bigger part will you leave me in peace and stop sending emails??


from: The Author <yourauthor@herblog.com>
to: Matthew <thisisthemat@characters.com>
date: April 6, 2017, 2:04 AM
subject: re: WHAT IF I SUE YOU

*really, not relay 😛


from: The Author <yourauthor@herblog.com>
to: Matthew <thisisthemat@characters.com>
date: April 6, 2017, 2:23 AM
subject: re: WHAT IF I SUE YOU

Oh yeah, super fast. A nice change of heart on my end. Of course you shouldn’t be suspicious. I just suddenly felt pity for your lowly being  I MEAN situation and my rudeness. I realized you have potential and it would be thrown into the wind if you jumped off a cliff.

Get it?

Get it??

No need to clap. Oh why thank you. Thank you very much. I would like to thank my family and friends who were all vital in my journey to this one point.

So you’re in?


from: The Author <yourauthor@herblog.com>
to: Matthew <thisisthemat@characters.com>
date: April 6, 2017, 2:34 AM
subject: re: WHAT IF I SUE YOU

Look it’s almost 3 in the morning and I’m on my fifth cup of coffee. And to be fair all YOUR great so said amazing jokes come from my brain.

Anyways, I have the perfect part for you.

I had a request from a friend for an arrogant, stuck-up, annoying kid around your age to be the literary representation of her brother (who is writing a story in which he is coming up with pages and pages of ideas of how to kill me as a character) so she can help me torture him.

I think I might go as far as to make him betray everyone and live to regret it and THEN die a miserable death.


from: The Author <yourauthor@herblog.com>
to: Matthew <thisisthemat@characters.com>
date: April 6, 2017, 2:42 AM
subject: re: WHAT IF I SUE YOU

No, I’m not going to give you that guy’s number. For starters I don’t even have it. Either you help me here or you’re returning to the dusty closet with the plot bunnies and cardboard monsters. Eh? You want that?

Yeah, yeah, you won’t get any flowers and it might be painful, but hey you get to have a epic dramatic last days that will haunt readers for the rest of their days.

Doesn’t that sound like fun??


from: The Author <yourauthor@herblog.com>
to: Matthew <thisisthemat@characters.com>
date: April 6, 2017, 2:49 AM
subject: re: WHAT IF I SUE YOU

Awesome. I’ve got to go, but I’ll be back this afternoon to fill you in.

Get some rest.

And try not to fall off a cliff in the meantime.


from: The Author <yourauthor@herblog.com>
to: Matthew <thisisthemat@characters.com>
date: April 22, 2017, 4:53 PM
subject: re: WHAT IF I SUE YOU

DUDE

What do you think you’re doing?? And where in the world did you get that cloak! I did not give that to you. Give it back! You know what I’m going to never bring sunglasses to your world! Give the cloak back and I might not burn every black cloak in history.

Also, did you even read the game plan??

You’re not suppose to follow her – well you’re suppose to for a little bit but then you go and tell the riders at the inn at the west gate and get your dirty little money bags.

Dude! Get with the program! Scurry and get that money. I don’t care if you don’t like the riders. They have money, so like them. Isn’t that all you care about?

Money. Go for the money. You don’t even like Seth or Nathan. Betray them. Get rid of them.

And get the money.


from: The Author <yourauthor@herblog.com>
to: Matthew <thisisthemat@characters.com>
date: April 22, 2017, 4:55 PM
subject: re: WHAT IF I SUE YOU

DUDE

Get a compass. WEST gate. Not east.

Or better yet look for the sun and blind yourself. Maybe then the readers will feel sorry for you.


from: The Author <yourauthor@herblog.com>
to: Matthew <thisisthemat@characters.com>
date: April 22, 2017, 5:10 PM
subject: re: WHAT IF I SUE YOU

What? Who told you that? Look you need to work on your communication. I’M IN CHARGE. Hear that? I’M THE AUTHOR. Not you.

You’re not hiding from the riders with Ethel. You’re suppose to hunt them out AND GET THE MONEY.

NOW.


from: The Author <yourauthor@herblog.com>
to: Matthew <thisisthemat@characters.com>
date: April 22, 2017, 5:17 PM
subject: re: WHAT IF I SUE YOU

What? You have other priorities over money now?

Jerk.


from: The Author <yourauthor@herblog.com>
to: Matthew <thisisthemat@characters.com>
date: April 22, 2017, 5:19 PM
subject: re: WHAT IF I SUE YOU

You know what? Never mind! You help them out but they’ll still hate you anyways. (Ha!) All of them will because you are heartless and insensitive and still a jerk, even if you have priorities beyond money – like hatred for nice people or government officials.

Just you wait and see. You can hope, but it won’t pay off.

We will keep going, but I can see e x a c t l y how this will play out in the next ten chapters.


from: The Author <yourauthor@herblog.com>
to: Matthew <thisisthemat@characters.com>
date: April 27, 2017, 7:09 PM
subject: re: WHAT IF I SUE YOU

I told you. Don’t start complaining now. This was your idea, remember? Shoulda stuck with the first plan and listened to me.

Fondly,

Your Author 😇


from: The Author <yourauthor@herblog.com>
to: Matthew <thisisthemat@characters.com>
date: April 28, 2017, 9:34 AM
subject: re: WHAT IF I SUE YOU

Oh I am so not going back. I am enjoying this way too much for that.

Just keep making snarky responses and huffing and rolling your eyes. I could use some more of that.

feeeeed it toooo mee

By the end of this, my readers will want to punch you.

Hehehe, this is awesome.


from: The Author <yourauthor@herblog.com>
to: Matthew <thisisthemat@characters.com>
date: May 7, 2017, 3:31 PM
subject: re: What happened?

Look, sorry to keep you hanging. Something came up and I was trying to work it out. Turns out I got all the miles wrong between the cities, and have you even read the beginning passages?? They’re terrifyingly cliched and what’s up with Ethel’s drama life? She’s worse than a teenager. And don’t ask me why you haven’t died from starvation and thirst in a desert while everyone else is having a drought and how in the world is the plot suppose to be finished blah blah blah

Besides I was busy running around with Ethel’s brother, doing interesting stuff like throwing knives at benches and burning down inns.

What’s up with all the knives anyways???

Maybe I should get a job at McDonalds or something. 😛

Hey maybe I could get hired to fix all the typos in the driver’s ed course.


from: The Author <yourauthor@herblog.com>
to: Matthew <thisisthemat@characters.com>
date: May 7, 2017, 3:34 PM
subject: re: What happened?

OH MY GOODNESS

KNIVES

THROWING THEM.

I GOT IT.

I got it, I got it, I got it!!

This is too good.

ALL OF A SUDDEN. Three more scenes and the book is over!?

THIS IS GLORIOUS

Hang in there. (and watch out for the falling rocks when you enter the canyon bahahaha)


from: The Author <yourauthor@herblog.com>
to: Matthew <thisisthemat@characters.com>
date: May 8, 2017, 5:11 PM
subject: CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES!!!!

Yo man. DID YOU SEE THAT.

In case you missed it:

THE END.

That’s right.

I can’t believed it. I am shivering all over – literally! I can’t sit still. IS THIS A DREAM??

And hey you survived even if you’re a jerk. Happy??


from: The Author <yourauthor@herblog.com>
to: Matthew <thisisthemat@characters.com>
date: May 8, 2017, 5:17 PM
subject: re: CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES!!!!

I don’t care how many exclamation marks are in the subject title.

I FINISHED MY NOVEL.

😳😱🤩🤪😎🤑🎉😁😁

I am almost tempted to give you a cookie.

Almost.

Wow. We’ve come so far.


from: The Author <yourauthor@herblog.com>
to: Matthew <thisisthemat@characters.com>
date: May 8, 2017, 5:20 PM
subject: re: CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES!!!!

Well, I’ve got to go. But wow. That was crazy.

I guess this is where we say goodbye. I almost feel sad – no. I can honestly say I feel sad. Well. Another day has passed, another round of tears shed over the events my poor darlings suffer through. (I don’t know if Ethel will ever forgive me. (Or you, but who cares about that part.) And poor, poor Ethan *sniffs* What has he gotten himself into??) And there’s a lot of work to be done. It’s such a mess of a draft, but I’m done.

I’m done.

I’ve grown. I’ve learned.

And I can set it aside and proudly say I have finished a novel. My first full novel ever! No one knows the name of it! But maybe some day I shall return and edit it and give it a title.

Who knows. Only time will tell.

Until then,

Let the music blast.

Very fondly,

Your Author


from: The Author <yourauthor@herblog.com>
to: Matthew <thisisthemat@characters.com>
date: May 9, 2017, 2:13 PM
subject: Been A While

Heyyyy!

What’s up, dude? Long time huh.

Welp. Lots of busyness and such stuff over here with the celebration ya know and it’s certainly been a while. What 24 hours? Well not quite but almost. Anyways, I look back and it’s crazy to think about it all. How do you like the new house? How’s the pet lizard? All well and fine I hope.

Yeah… So I was uh well. Just wanted to check in.

Your old friend,

The Author

(PS. What’s your opinion on sequels?)

The March of the Typos

Typos.

You’ve got to love them.

Especially when they prowl in the paragraphs of your most important papers.

I view it as a blessing when I’m required to read it one more time before the whole class: It’s my last chance to spot that little monster and cross it out.

I’ve had my fair share of typos as I am sure every writer has.

When the words start pounding in my head and flying out my fingers, the scene of the story playing out before my eyes, I can hardly keep up with myself or my spelling lessons. I have no time to check myself and soon the squiggly red lines are blurring until they disappear behind my character’s surroundings.

When I first started editing my very first competed novel, I came across many a misused comma.

There is a great satisfaction to surfing through pages and pages of manuscript and adding those little missing punctuation marks, but after a certain amount of time, as the sun sets in the west and my eyes grow weary and my hands cramp up from crossing out everything.

It is in those moments typos no longer are those embarrassing mistakes, but suddenly my greatest friends, entertaining me when I most need it.

I even began writing them down.

So today, you get a glimpse into what crazy things sometimes pop out of my fingers.

Welcome to my rough draft world, where my character gallop away on their hoses and the air is filled with humility!

First up we have some brilliant prose dug up from the one and only, Unnamed Fantasy Novel of my childhood:

“The chickens squawked widely.”

What profound wisdom is this?

Meaning their range was wide?

I’ve never payed attention to the pitch of squawking chickens, but now I will have to notice.

Very intriguing.

 

“The first raised his head and stared at Ethel, screeching, as his boy started to shrivel and shrink until it was a black feathery creature: A vulture.”

Yikes… I feel sorry for his boy.

Poor kid.

 

“Behind, in the courtyard, yelling arose and then something began to thudded below in the streets.”

 

This sentence is actually pulled from the same scene as the last two…

When it rains, it pours, my friends.

 

“Ethel could barely see his shadow stop and pull something from a self.

Wow, is this stranger a magician? O.O

Or is he just a guy reaching into his pockets?

And will Ethel ever really know?

 

“I have brought you breakfast and a new dress, since the one I dressed you in the first day was too big. It was the only one we had at the moment,” she chattered setting everything she held on the self, along with items from the stool.”

What can I say?

I’m a person of habit.

 

“Dried herbs dangled from strings off the low rafters, fragmenting the room with a mix of strong smells.”

I mean.

It works

 

“He held out the plate and Ethel accepted it sullenly. The rice and rice smelled good. He handed her the fork too.”

Rice and rice guys.

You heard it here first.

Best dish ever.

 

“…The Riders: Two black dots drifted amidst the blue ribbon that snacked into the horizen’s grasp.”

Wow… just.

Wow.

Blue ribbon snacked into a horizen’s grasp?

Is English even my first language?

And what is up with these descriptions?

All I can picture is a small mythical rodent nibbling on a blue ribbon.

I promise I don’t describe things this way any more.

 

“Seth grabbed the boy’s shoulders with venomous and leaned forward.”

Wait… so was Seth secretly a venomous creature? Like a snake? 😮

I mean the other guy’s boy turns into a vulture sooo

The things an author doesn’t know about her characters until it happens.

And that’s fun and all, but even more recently as I combed through my first set of twenty chapters from 51, I found stuff:

“Stay with my Zeb,” she whispered. “Don’t you dare faint now.”

Woah, woah, woah.

Charlie, my dear.

Don’t go to fast here… you’ve only known him for 24 hours.

That was supposed to say me

And then a few lines later Zeb asks Charlie:

“How much father?”

 

Can their situation here get any more confusing?

 

Charlie nodded. “I’m sorry… I know it hurts and I quash we were closer.”

Well apparently.

Wait…

There’s even more.

“They limped on and Sarah and she dumped the paper bag into the trash.”

Look.

I don’t even have a character named Sarah.

Talk about random people showing up in scenes.

Well, Sarah, you got your little debut in the middle of no where, may we return to the story?

 

“Zeb looked down at his tights where the bloodied strip of white was tied around his tattered jeans. Where had that come from?”

Oh totally.

Ballerina tights are so Zeb’s style, guys.

Like totally.

Yeah…

No.

That’s supposed to say “thigh.”

So where did those random tights come from, Zeb? Do tell. 😉

 

 

20 Questions Tag

I’m afraid I was tagged for this *coughs* a while ago.

Maybe a month.

Or two.

Anyways, thank you Bethany for the tag! (And sorry I did not get to it sooner… 😛 )

Looks like there are no rules, just questions. And if I need to, I guess I can plead the fifth. 😉

So let’s begin!


#1: How many books are too many in a series?

Ha, I’d say six is pushing it for a series that has an overall story arc. Those books I feel expected to read all of them, and read all of them in order.

Something like the Nancy Drew series can get away with 60+ books only because they are all the same, and one can just read as many or as few as she wants until she feels satisfied.

For me, I took me about forty. xD

#2: How do you feel about cliff-hangers?

Muhahaha, as an author, they are completely evil and I love them. >:)

As a reader, they are completely evil and they steal my precious sleep. (How dare you, author! 😮 )

#3: Hardback or paperback?

I actually do not have a huge preference. Let’s say, if it’s poetry, hardback, but if it’s fiction, paperback.

#4: Favorite book?

Just one?

Well then its a tie between Island of the World by Michael D. O’Brien, The Book Thief by Markus Zusak, and The Giver by Lois Lowry. 😉

All three of these books were quite an emotional ride for me and very powerful experiences, however, I have to make the note… don’t consider them necessarily recommended. The Book Thief has its fair share of language and Island of the World brutal violence.

The Giver is good though. Everyone go read that. 😉

#5: Least favorite book?

Yikes, such a negative question. Least favorite book? There have been books that I haven’t cared for, and books that annoyed me, but at the moment I can’t think of any that I hated…

#6: Love-triangles, yes or no?

I am not a huge fan of the romance genre. I have enjoyed books that happen to have romance in them, yes, but a book solely about it?

I mean, I really have to wonder what’s going to happen at the end of the story. It’s just a total mystery. *coughs*

It’s similar with love-triangles. Most of the time, no, but sometimes, if done well and if it makes sense, then sure. 😜

#7: The most recent book you couldn’t finish?

Starship Troopers by Robert A. Heinlein for school. It was not that I did not like the book, I did and I would have finished it, but I ran out of time. Thankfully I had read it last summer already so I was still able to write the required paper in time.

#8: A book you’re currently reading?

Inkspell by Cornelia Funke.

A writer-friend (you know who you are) has been pestering me to finish the trilogy ever since I read the first book about a year ago. Said person even hinted that a certain beloved character is killed… O.O

#9: Last book you recommended to someone?

The Giver. You better go read it. 😉

#10: Oldest book you’ve read? (publication date)

The Bible.

I have also read some of Euclid’s Elements, (written around 300 B.C.) but only part.

#11: Newest book you’ve read? (publication date)

The Legends of Matt Baker!

It is actually a self-published anthology released on Amazon last December by a writer friend, which was both weird and cool to think about. (Congrats again, Sabina! :))

#12: Favorite author?

N.D. Wilson. I love his voice and style in both prose and plot. It’s so unique, adventurous, fun, and even poetical.

#13: Buying books or borrowing?

I love owning books, but I also love my siblings and I have a fair amount of them and they all have birthdays.

Soooo….

#14: A book you dislike that everyone seems to love?

The first thing that comes to mind is a book called Fawkes, but I actually have not read that yet. It seems to be very popular among the writing circles I frequent, but I have yet to see the appeal. Its premise just hasn’t peak my interest.*shrugs*

#15: Bookmarks or dog-ears?

Bookmarks! Who would dare to fold the corners of pages in a book on purpose?! Such disregard! Such destruction!

Can’t you just memorize the simple two or three digits called “page number“?

#16: A book you can always reread?

The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. TolkienFor a while, I was keeping up an average of reading it at least once a year.

#17: Can you read while listening to music?

If I’m familiar with the music, then yes. Or if it is quiet music, I can zone it out.

So I guess, I can read while music is playing, but I can not read while consciously listening to the music playing.

#18: One POV or multiple POVs?

For those who don’t know, “POV” is an abbreviation of “Point of Views.”

I remember the first book that I consciously noticed changing point of views was Brian Jacques’s Redwall. Thing is, switching between point of views extends cliffhangers, so on one hand, it can be the most annoying thing and on the other, it can add so much more content.

Example: the switching point of views in the book Wonder gives time to flesh out the characters and move the story along in such a unique, personal way. Suddenly, one of the characters is no longer the stereotypical flimsy and flippant teenage-jerk, but a struggling girl who is lonely, neglected, and hurting.

Yet, other books’ charm come from their first person narrative that never changes.

So, as to which I prefer, I’d say, which ever way the author does it, if she/he does it well, then I am satisfied. 🙂

#19: Do you read a book in one sitting or over multiple days?

When I have the time, one sitting. In the “old days” (aka when I had no school and nothing to do… those days of devouring Nancy Drew books) I’d even read two or three books in one sitting. Those days past long ago.

I’d say, most recently, reading a book has been taking me about two to four days.

#20: Who do you tag?

Those slower than me. 😉


Well, there we are. Another Friday post posted. I hope your week is going well.

The other day I sat down at my window and lo and behold! Archibald is not dead! He growth two hairs.

img_0772

He is the newest edition to my succulent array. I rescued him from a free table and have been trying to revive him from his pitiful state. Apparently, so far… it is working..? Hopefully?

We shall see.

Happy Friday!

~ evelyn ~