Last week’s schedule was pretty full for me. Especially the first half in which I volunteered at a three day summer camp of twenty-five six to eight-year-olds.
I sharpened hundreds of colored pencils, cut out tons of little continents, and rocked my fancy nametag. I assisted with map-tracing, paper-gluing, white-board-cleaning, and picture-book-reading, as well as breaking up fights, escorting kids to the bathroom, and spending twenty minutes cleaning their paint brushes. (My hands were blue for the rest of the day…)
It is fair to say that it was a blast!
… but I was pretty exhausted at the end of everyday.
It is times like those (well more like times like now as I look back) that I wish I had an assistant. Someone to prod me off the couch, brew some tea, crank up the music, and stick a pen in my hand.
And now this week we’ve been busy hosting friends and working on some projects for a party tomorrow (like making a giant Bananagrams game to play in the backyard.)
Well good news!
My friend Aberdeen, as an honorary member of the Author Assistant Society, has most graciously offered to help me out and find me a writing assistant!
The formalities of this agreement:
1. Thank the person who tagged you and link back to their blog.
Thank you Aberdeen! (Drop in this handy-dandy portal to go give him a friendly Rawr.)
2. Link back to the creator of the tag.
Aberdeen the Authorosaurus. (Here’s his digsite if you somehow missed the two other portals. 😉 )
3. Tag 5-10 bloggers who need assistants (and if they don’t need them, tag them anyway).
4. Please answer the questions so the author assistant agency can find the right assistant for you.
1. What type of creature/species would you like your assistant to be (human, animal, dragon, dinosaur, figment of your imagination, etc.) and why?
Something like a raggant from N.D. Wilson’s 100 Cupboard series, because they’re so small, smart, and loyal.
2. What do you want your assistant to look like?
So raggants are basically like gray rhinos with wings (like this), however… I would prefer to find a raggant that is unusually fuzzy, has huge dropping ears, and an elephant’s trunk.
(If any of you see one, let me know…)
3. What qualities are you looking for in an assistant (responsible, lovable, exasperating, etc.)?
Lovable, loving, and loyal, but fierce when needed.
4. What job(s) would your assistant be in charge of?
Researching random facts, sorting my character summaries, cleaning out my old folders, burning old poetry, putting the kettle on the stove, answering emails, and holding a fork to my back when I have writer’s block and then another later to force me to take a break and go outside.
Also reminding me to water my plants.
5. What would you like your assistant to be named?
6. What would you feed your assistant (candy, books, pickles, etc)?
I would say pickles except I wouldn’t want to share mine. But then if that’s what his menu would be, I guess I’d have an excuse to buy pickles every month.
Pickles, bagels, red peppers, and dark chocolate.
7. How would you pay your assistant and what benefits would you offer as compensation for their work?
The official position of honorary first alpha reader. Also free access to my bookshelf and pickle-popcorn stash.
8. What special abilities would you like your assistant to have (i.e. ice powers to freeze writer’s block, super strength to break writer’s block, or super stupidity to stare at you while you’re having writer’s block)?
The ability to eat old manuscripts for breakfast, misused commas for lunch, and spam comments for dinner.
9. Where would you like your assistant to be from (Jurassic Park, Narnia, your head)?
From wherever you can find a fuzzy, long-eared, elephant-trunked, raggant creature…
10. Will you solemnly swear to you will not fire your assistant in either sickness or in health, for richer for poorer, smarter or stupider, writing or not writing, for as long as you both shall live?
And Aberdeen said I could pass along this offer to some other bloggers…
And that’s it folks!
Now I’ll just go sit out by my mailbox and wait for the official papers to arrive. 😉